Nothing fully prepares a woman for her first encounter….

Sexuality- the importance of not loosing ourselves in the process of giving ourselves.

Sex starts off from a fantasy, but we only ever find out about the real pleasures of sex when we experience it. Growing up we are constantly taught how to act like a lady, compose ourselves with class and taking care of our physical appearance, which is great BUT not enough. We learn the intricate details of what it means to ‘act like a lady’. From the very beginning we are told the caliber of men we should allow into our lives and we taught the integrity of modesty in dressing, but we are never taught about our sexuality and how it should be used.


We start off in relationships knowing how to be ‘a lady in the street’ but then struggle with being ‘a freek in the sheets’, because nobody has ever taught us that part. We constantly rely on the images we see on Social Media to define sexuality to us and it takes a while to become comfortable with who we are, in this area.


After having sex for the first time there is rarely anyone that we as women can really speak to, because sex is a very sensitive topic and almost a taboo when speaking with the matured and experienced. I cannot speak for everyone but this is definitely my view. We are therefore left with no options but to share with our friends who, most times, are equally as inexperienced as we are. However the more we have sex, the more we find out about ourselves and our sexual preferences. It may take a partner to work us through this experience. But it is a shame that it is the very same teachers “these partners” who may eventually end up hurting us or sowing insecurities within us.


I believe we as women should be taught to embrace who we are and our sexuality from young. We should have a place where we learn to embrace our femininity with full understanding of our power as women. I believe as women we have great power and our sexuality forms a big part of this. With knowing this we should take great responsibility knowing that our bodies should not be given to just anyone but ought to be respected, protected and held in high esteem, because nothing prepares a woman for such transition.


That is why in my book ‘Resusitate Me’ I explore some of these issues, emphasising the importance of not losing ourselves, in the process of giving ourselves.


I hope you enjoyed reading this Blog and I look forward to hearing from you and reading your comments below.


Crystal Williams UD is the founder of Thinking Out Loud which is a conference held each year that encourages self love, promotes self-worth and most importantly empowers to feel comfortable in the skin that they are in. Crystal Williams is an affluent Poet, Motivational Speaker and Author. Her books have sold worldwide in the UK, Canada and USA.

16 comments on “Nothing fully prepares a woman for her first encounter….

  1. Carolyn Williams

    True account of reality. Most girls are not taught sexuality. It is usually a taboo topic in some tradition and religion. They learn overtime, this humbling expetience.
    Sometimes hurtful and painful experience. It is my wish that we learn to discuss sexuality with our girls this topic in truth and experience to help them.
    Accurate annalysis.


    • Dear Carolyn,Indeed I share in your sentiment and hope that overtime we can be honest also and discuss this openly amongst ourselves without shame or fear of being judged. Thank you very much for your comment.


    • Sandy bekombe

      Hi Crystal,
      I agree with the majority of what you have written. However, when you do say we are not tought about our sexuality by other mature women, what should they teach us? Sex is practicle, there is not much anyone can teach you, is through experience you become confident. Even men are not taugh, they too have to rely on pornagraphy.

      I look forward reading your book!


      • Hi Sandy, I like your question “what should they teach us?”. In my opinion they could teach us what they do know and understand about sex. They could teach us not be afraid to know and explore our bodies and sexuality (not necessarily in a sexual way). The could offer a sense of reassurance and honesty. It would be refreshing to sit down with others more mature to discuss sex, likes, dislikes, feelings associated with it and how they overcame certain elements. It would good to ask questions that pornography and books may not always be able to specifically answer.

        And indeed we cant forget our men, they may also not have anyone who teaches them; but it would be great if there were older men they could openly speak with them about issues that they also face. To also get reassurance and answers to questions they may need answers to. In a place that produces no fear of judgement. No-one knows it all, but the little we are able to offer makes a big difference in another person’s life.

        Thank you for your contribution.x


  2. I really enjoyed reading this post. This is very true!


  3. Ekene Balogun

    I love your blog…it is refreshing to hear.

    I do want us to take into consideration some women due to tradition, religion or values… may not feel comfortable OR know how to talk about it.
    It’s always beneficial to talk honestly about sex, marriage, relationships and etc. Because people tend to go into these things with that “fairytale” image….when those who are experienced, can tell them the reality.
    I just hope your blog will open up the minds of many mothers, aunties, grandmother’s….Even Father’s, uncles and grandfather’s. That it is time to start being open and honest about these things; and that it is also ok if it means us being vulnerable…for the sake of our your children.


    • Thank you Ekene that is true often there are other things that could impact on a women’s ability to speak freely and openly about sex, which includes all that you have mentioned. It is also my hope and prayer that in time generations will be able to be honest and educate those coming after them, from a place of love – for the purpose of empowerment and self-worth.


  4. I totally agree, we as women need to learn from past mistakes and arm our girls with a better understanding of self. Hopefully this will lead to stronger, more empowered women with value and worth for self.

    Really interesting read.


  5. Good article- interesting read


  6. Amaka Maks xo

    Really glad you’ve started a blog Crystal!! After reading both of your books, attending last years conference and following your poetry I’m looking forward to your blogs!! Welcome.

    Another area I’d like explored more is the fun, empowerment and sexual liberation that can be experienced when you give yourself to the right one. Sex is not all doom, gloom and insecurities! Within reason, I’d love for young women to also be enlightened in that regard too. Exploring your sexual identity, likes, kinks and dislikes can be a great experience once your ready and in the right space in your life…who teaches us that? Sex isn’t a dirty word and if more girls knew that I think we’d approach sex differently.

    Already anticipating Blog 2….x


    • Wow Amaka, thank you for the support (read my books, following my poetry and attended my conference!). I appreciate it.

      That is certainly true. Sex is not all gloom and doom. There is always that one that that shows you that it can be more than sex – it can be the unifying and making of sweet love! It would definitely be interesting to explore why ‘sex’ is viewed as a dirty word, but I am sure it will cover many areas far and wide.

      I look forward to putting up more posts. x


  7. Tessa O

    Hi Crystal, thanks for your very interesting topic.

    I fully agree with you as this subject is not discussed openly, it’s seen as a taboo in some culture due to religious and social affiliations.

    As you rightly pointed out most parents wouldn’t discuss a first sexual expectation with their children. As you don’t want to be seen as encouraging promiscuity or sexual laxity.

    It is indeed a difficult subject to discuss openly without being misunderstood, except with ones peers and social group.


    • Thank you Tessa, I completely agree. It appears to be difficult for women to speak about sex without being misunderstood. That is interesting and something I will be speaking about on my next blog. Thank you for your contribution.


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