Depression is often an emotion difficult to explain and misunderstood by those who can see the swing in emotions, but unable to find a route cause nor comfort you. There are times tears can flow without reason, days that you may feel like closing the curtains and hiding in the dark. Isolating yourself from the world and being consumed by dark thoughts. It is always good to reach out and speak with someone, but somehow you feel like you are burdening them or they will see you as weak. BUT there are many places and organisations you can reach out to if you feel your ‘low days’ are getting harder to come out of. If you hang in there you will see your own strength – you were able to fight through to see another day. Depression is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign that you have been strong for far too long.
I have written a poem to depict depression and would love to hear your thoughts.
Poem on depression:
I looked in the mirror and all I could see
Was the infiltrated deluded version of me
I could only see flaws. I felt sick
I opened my eyes with a closed mind and was narrowly led down this perception
Like I have been coded trying to remove this inscription.
I fell hard on the lies, that I brought a knife to my skin
Overwhelmed with the negativity I panicked within
I acted out of fear because I could not find self LOVE
I reacted. Trying to self harm or overdose on drugs.
I didnt want to be jealous. But when I looked around I saw everything I did’t have
Forgive me! Although I smiled. Inside I was depressed. My soul- beyond sad.
I was filled with insecurity, self worth was no where to be found
A single parent with bills to pay and a child for whom I had to remain sound.
I could not see ahead. Clouded by depression
Waiting for my souls to come out of its recession.
Sometimes I closed my eyes and the sight of darkness did not scare me half as much as the sorrow I felt within
As images twirled in the midst of my thoughts – the tears would suddenly begin
They fell heavier than the rain on a stormy day and my heart thundered like the lightening in the sky
I was roaring with rage, with pain, with anger, with helplessness as I questioned “Why?”
I kept my head down but my hopes up. Hoping that my eyes will see a different picture
Trying not to get caught up, I followed my emotions rather than literature
A smile on my face, but pain in my eyes.
My really Down Days come as a terrible surprise
I drew the curtains and almost turned off the lights
I tried to remain hopeful that ‘a day’ will come after these dark nights
I had to pull myself together because not everyone could handle the rawness of my vulnerability
But each day I fought with those strong emotions so that it did not end up killing me.
I had no more space for negativity.
Because my emotions were too tender, busy overthinking things.
The label they used was ‘depression’ to explain the inexplicable level of mourning.
My eyes could pour out fountains whilst I prayed that joy would come in the morning
Fighting to live and Living to Love
And above all else, when I was at my lowest points I found myself crying out to GOD above.
By Crytsal Williams UD