That was a question I asked myself. Would I ever want to get married again after a failed marriage? Would I want more children? As having children from differing father’s initially put me off. I was a 25 year old single mother and divorcee. I was horrified at the idea and it took me while to find myself again. I struggled within my faith as a Christian woman because I just did not know where I fit anymore and a lot of things had changed.
I took pride in the fact that I remained a virgin until I got married at the age of 23 years old. Not one man had touched or kissed me before this. I wanted to preserve my body for one man. ‘My body was a temple of God’ not to be misused. Then I got married; many things changed. I realised that sex was not what kept a marriage nor did having sex make it any stronger. I thought having a child would bridge that gap but it only made things worse and made me realise in having a son that I wanted more in a man. My prioritise changed and I had less tolerance for what I put up with in my youth, I somewhat saw myself differently, but did not think that would result in divorce? Thought it that may have resulted in change.
However once I put my mind to the separation I also made up my mind that I would not let any man in my son’ s life until he is able to speak. I devoted many years to raising a young King, but I could always hear the voice of my parents and siblings ringing that ‘it is not good for man to be alone’. Whilst I heard the voice of my church stating that God did not make marriage for a divorce and I should reconsider my actions.
Even though me and my son’s father were not particularly on good terms I took pride in ensuring that my son sustained a relationship with his father, without that relationship involving me. Because his father is a part of who he is but not a part of who I am or where I was envisaging myself to be.
I would never want to have a man in my life who turns around one day to tell my son that he is not his father. If that did happen at least my son can take pride in knowing that he has a father, that he knows and is in contact with. My relationship with his father has nothing to do with my son. My son was created in Love and is loved by both parents.
However that first relationship taught me many lessons and it took a lot of time for me to find myself and rebuild my esteem.
Returning back to the world of dating was daunting. I was no longer in my teens, I was hardly out so where was I supposed to meet this Mr Right? But in dating I found out that I had perhaps rushed into being married. I came from an all girls school and the first man I ever dated I married without concepts of what I was looking for or what I wanted. I was narrow minded in my views of wanting to be with one man and one man alone that it blinded every other aspect of the relationship.
In dating I started to feel more like a women, I was reminded of how attractive I was and the power I had in my words to build. Most importantly was finding someone who not only wanted me but was also prepared to raise another man’s son, not in the role of trying to be his father but definitely as a role model who will spend more time with my son that his father chooses to. The challenge often came at that point, because although I was desired, raising another man’s child was off putting to many, with questions lurking around whether there were still any feelings left for the ex and whether my son would take to someone else being around given the fact that I had been on my own for so long.
But I remembered my father’s words that there is someone for everybody and the right person would not see any issues, we would come as a package he would be happy to receive.
My father was right. At a time in my life where I gave up on dating and was tired; in the midst of going about with my life I met a man who made me believe in love again. When I listen to the song Halo by Beyoncé it sings every aspect about him. “I promised I would never fall again, but this don’t event feel like falling…I have found my Angel now”. Unbeknown to him, he spoke life into me and revived hope, love and happiness.
I also spoke with other women who found love at differing stages of their life and they gave me hope that Love gives many chances and Love although it did not take on the shape we hoped for in the beginning that does not have to be the same story at the end. Thank you for your words of advice.
I hope this post encourages many. There is hope, there is always hope!.x
Have a blessed week