Women, Side Chic and The Others
According to the Urban Dictionary a ‘side chic’ is “the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wife or girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship”
I am somewhat captivated and intrigued about this word ‘side chic,’ its definition and how it has become accepted by men and women; and now included in our vocabulary. Even if people do not admit to being a ‘side chic’ they elude to knowing that their Man may have others on the side, by identifying themselves as the ‘Main chic.’ It seems that most have come to accept their roles. Not just women but men alike, It appears that even men are comfortable with sneaking around and being on the side knowing she has a ‘Main guy’ in her life. The term and definition being used seems to suggest that there is:
- Lack of any real commitment
- Someone is being used to fulfil a certain desire
- Lack of self control, (people wanting to eat their cake and still have it)
- And a lot of insecurities, Low self esteem or lack of value amongst us
I have identified four types of ‘side chics’ and will be taking you through them over the next couple of weeks:
1) The Downgraded,
2) The Hopeful Participant,
3) The Involuntary Victim, and finally
4) The Leftover Takers.
The Downgraded ‘side chick’ just like the tittle is a woman that was someone significant in the males life, either a girlfriend/ wifey/ Main chick, but he downgraded her to a side chick through his actions. These women usually start out innocent in this, they were in the relationship first and expected full commitment, but slowly he stops spending time with her, his calls start to decrease, he stops answering her calls and starts to treat her as though she was not significant and her intuition (or sometimes friend) tells her that there is someone else, but she may not always be able to prove this.
She is still in love with him and her heart is not ready to let go, in fact she did not even see this coming. Her instincts initially tells her to fight; ‘oh hell no…no body is taking my man whilst I am standing guard’, but she has limited power or control over the situation because the man has chosen to stray and no longer places as much value in their relationship as he once had. She may pull out her best investigative skills, but no matter the evidence she finds, she does not seem to be able to fully win his heart over. He may feel to guilty to directly let her know that he does not want to be with her anymore, so he allows his actions to speak on his behalf, hoping one day she will become fed up with how he is treating her and leave on her own accord. But then these women fall into the category of side chicks when:
She refuses to accept the situation:
When she refuses to accept that he is no longer interested in her and in desperation she tries to win him over, by lowering her standards to accommodate his. She accepts his excuses of him not having the time or money to call her or answer her calls. She accepts that he will spend limited time with her; in his own convenience and not hers. She desperately holds onto any act of kindness that he shows even if it is not worth anything…So she ends up holding on from the side:
She is hurt but does not close the door:
She is deeply hurt by his actions but feels powerless over the situation. Although she knows within her heart that it is time to let go, she is not quite sure how to completely shut the door. She tries to distant herself from him, but whenever he calls, she answers and they speak. The emotions soon come flooding back within her, constantly like a wound that is not given the space to heal; it continues to be reopened.
She does not give herself room or permission to heal because she maintains contact with him; regardless of how regular or irregular it is. She finds herself melting in his arms and his temporary words washing over her like warm water. They connect for that moment but then he leaves.
She knows the cycle…just like her menstruation. Just as she is about to get over him and she feels ready to let go, he comes back into her life and the raw emotions keeps resurfacing… Not realizing that she is only hurting herself.
She convinces herself that it is a better option to stay:
She evaluates the situation and is very honest with herself in her analyses. She accepts the situation and knows what it is, and she convinces herself that it is a better option for her to stay. She may have been with him for a long time and the thought of dating makes her cringe. She may have even tried to go on a few other dates, but displeased with the limited options that have come her way. She may believe she has lost her skills or has convinced herself that no one will love or accept her flaws like ‘he has’. So although she is displeased with the position she finds herself, she figures that is the best option.
She grudgingly volunteers to stay, with much resentment and jealousy within. She may also close herself off to the rumors and advice she hears, because she has made up her mind and does not want to feel belittled or guilty about the choice that she has made…She has locked the door to her own cell and hidden the key, serving time for a crime that she herself did not commit.
(The extracts in this blog is from my Book ‘Women, side chics and the Others’. Which can be found on Amazon kindle and hard copies bought directly if you email: Crystalwilliamsud@gmail.com )
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Lots of love