Be careful from whom you take advice from

You have to be very careful where you go to get advice. It is really important. Not everything that sounds good and not everyone is high positions can nurture your soul with the wisdom and direction you need and not every intention is pure.

I once went to a person for guidance when I was much younger seeking direction in life and in a relationship that I was struggling to maintain. I was expressing my concerns around the rise in aggression from a relationship I was in and support around this. The person I was seeking counsel from at that time told me that I was like a tree with no roots, no leave and no products. I was told that I had to work on myself before I could see any good fruits in my relationship. I was devastated and those words hung onto me a long time and gave my partner, at the time every reason to increase the violence in the home; telling me it was my fault he was that way.  I looked up to the counsellor and his relationship, at the time and was almost convinced that the violence I endured was all to do with me.

However, as I grew in age and in knowledge and one day had the courage to end that relationship I started to look at my life and re-write my story. I sought new counsel from someone else who enriched my view about life. Who taught me that I cannot be expected to take responsibility for another person’s actions. I was re-taught to look at myself in the mirror and positively affirm myself, to not look at my mistakes as failures but to open my eyes to see how I have taken those mistakes to create platforms that support others. I was taught not to shut myself away from finding love again and allowing fear to win, but to know my worth, by pointing out everything positive in my life and to know that I deserve to be loved also. I was taught not to allow another’s opinion to become a fact in my life, for my life should speak for itself.

I was taken down a path of self-love, being in tune with self again and not denying myself of love and great things; to get rid of the thought that I did not deserve it. I thought I was a tree with no roots, no leave, no fruits, no value and undeserving of anything good.  I was  finally forced to face my demons. I looked in the mirror at the stretch marks that my youthful relationship told me was disgusting, unattractive and enough to put any man off. Unconvincingly I told myself that it was beautiful, a result of a gift growing within me. I had to stare at my nakedness and make peace with the shattered pieces within. It was a painful journey indeed.

I had to look my face, the face that he compared to other women, constantly telling me that I was not pretty enough. I had to affirm to myself that I am a gem, wonderfully and fearfully made. I had to wake up each day and make an effort to feel good and present myself in a way that would re-build may confidence. Some days were easier that others and other days led to moment of tears trying to convince myself that I too have roots and can bear beautiful fruits.

I would look at my thighs that he said were too big, even though I was a size 10 uk size and try my best to remove the distorted view, as I slowly moved towards anorexia trying to wash his words away. Smiling at my frail frame in the mirror, hoping my thighs did not expand any further. Considering whether or not to go under the knife to cut open my skin like many celebrities to look the image I was convinced to believe was beautiful.

This counsel of mine took me down a mental journey that unleased so much pain and helped me denounce so many negative words and see the beautiful being I was and the strength I amassed in the journey. The counsel reminded me that beauty is much deeper that skin deep and I was the very embodiment of beauty, strength and love.  My counsel taught me that forgiveness was more than a choice it was mandatory to my growth. Forgiveness of others but more importantly the forgiveness of self.

The journey was painful but the destination was beautiful. My counsel opened my eyes to see myself as my Maker sees me. This was a journey that helped me revaluate those around me, where I wanted to be and focus on choices and people that would help me get there.

I now do not readily open my ears to just anyone who speaks, I am very mindful about those I allow to speak to the depth of my soul and I am even more careful about the words that I speak into the lives of others, because I am taught that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Therefore, I choose to speak life not only into my life but also into the life of others around me.

Have a blessed week. Remember to leave a comment, like and subscribe.

Lots of love

Crystal Williams


Crystal Williams UD is the founder of Thinking Out Loud which is a conference held each year that encourages self love, promotes self-worth and most importantly empowers to feel comfortable in the skin that they are in. Crystal Williams is an affluent Poet, Motivational Speaker and Author. Her books have sold worldwide in the UK, Canada and USA.

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